Mental injury

Years ago, I choked on a bite of food. I’m not using the word choked lightly here, people. There was a moment when I believed I was about to die right in front of my child. I wasn’t coughing and sputtering – I couldn’t – because I wasn’t able to breathe – like, at all. It took a combination of the Heimlich maneuver and some serious pounding on my back, but after what seemed like an eternity, the offending bit flew out of my mouth and I sucked in some much needed oxygen. It was terrifying.

FYI, after my experience I learned that more women than men die from choking because they get up and leave the room so they can take care of the problem without inconveniencing anyone. I did this! Fortunately, I quickly realized my predicament and came back in, demanding help. For future reference – don’t leave the room if you’re choking! Also, go get some first aid/emergency training – maybe for your entire family.

For many nights in a row, I experienced nightmares and intrusive memories of the event – I couldn’t sleep. I was nervous at every meal, became obsessed with making sure my son cut up his food into the tiniest little pieces, and felt like I couldn’t breathe any time a piece of food touched the back of my tongue. I had experienced a trauma. My symptoms were a normal part of the process. My brain was trying to comprehend what went wrong and how to prevent it from happening again in the future. Over the next few weeks my symptoms subsided and I recovered.

But what if I hadn’t? What if my symptoms had multiplied and grown more extreme with every passing month? Knowledge is power. It is essential that you educate yourself about trauma and PTSD because eventually you, no matter how much you don’t want to believe this, are going to need to know what to do. It’s important to understand the normal trauma recovery process and be able to recognize when it might be time to get help for yourself or for someone you care about. So that’s the goal for today – trauma education and understanding.

Let’s do this!

Just because you’ve already experienced something traumatic and came out mentally unscathed doesn’t mean you won’t develop PTSD after a future trauma. As traumas pile up, the odds of developing PTSD increase. In addition, because you’re a unique individual with your own assortment of diverse personal experiences, the type of traumatic experience can also impact how likely you are to develop PTSD.

In the past you may have survived a horrific and deadly car accident or had a gun held to your head during a mugging and managed to move through your trauma symptoms in a reasonable amount of time. But the same might not be true if you are sexually assaulted or live through a massive natural disaster in the years to come. It also doesn’t mean that if your child is killed in a horrific crime or accident you won’t develop PTSD.

In addition, it doesn’t matter if the terrible, horrible, no-good thing was your fault or not your fault. PTSD doesn’t care whose fault it is. It doesn’t matter if you are the victim of a train wreck or the reason the damn train wrecked in the first place – PTSD still may become your ghost of Christmases Past, Present, and Future.

PTSD is not a choice.

PTSD is not a sign of weakness.

PTSD is not an indication that someone is crazy.

PTSD is the result of a traumatic mental injury.

My co-author, and wonderful, fabulous, very good friend and I came up with an analogy during our recent weekend publicity tour. You’ve been in a terrible accident. Your leg is broken in more than one place. You are going to have to rest so it can heal. It’s not going to be easy – it’s an extensive injury. The doctors tell you that you might recover completely, but they’re just not sure yet. It’s going to take time.

Even if you do every single thing right, your leg might never be the same as it was. You’re going to have a scar – that’s a given. But you may also have aches and pains for the rest of your life. Plus, your leg might always be a little more susceptible to injury or even re-breakage. There’s a chance you might never be able to practice some of your favorite hobbies again, like running marathons or skiing.

The truth is, you are going to have to put some serious work into recovering. Even basic things like getting up and dressed every morning or standing in the kitchen long enough to make dinner are going to take a significant amount of effort and energy at first.

Of course, because you’re sporting a big cast and using crutches, it’s easy for people to see that you’re injured. The vast majority will be supportive and considerate of your limitations as you heal. But there may be others who will expect you to resume your normal duties before you’re able. These folks may require some education in order to grasp the full extent of the damage and subsequent healing process. There are also a select few, one or two individuals, who think you’re exaggerating the seriousness of your injury – that you’re just looking for some attention or special treatment. Don’t even bother educating them or worrying about what they think of you – they are seriously not worth another second of your time. Kick ‘em to the curb! Just make sure to use your good leg…

A shattered leg bone is a traumatic physical injury that requires rest and extensive rehabilitation. No one tells you to jump right back up and get moving again if your leg is broken. No one tells you that you can recover from that kind of injury all by yourself without medical intervention. They tell you to find the best possible doctors, do what the professionals suggest, and take as much time as necessary for your leg to heal properly.

Everyone understands that if you have a traumatic physical injury you need to proceed in a way that doesn’t inflict further damage. So why don’t people understand this with a traumatic mental injury? I guarantee that it’s no different. Getting back out there and becoming active again is exactly what you need to do, but you need to be smart about it and prepared to put in some serious effort as you move through the process of rehabilitation.

PTSD is not an illness.

PTSD is the result of an injury.

I have a mental injury. Maybe you do too.

The symptoms of a traumatic mental injury are NORMAL. Your brain is smart. It doesn’t want you to get hurt like this ever again. Like EVER. But after a trauma, it can get confused. It no longer feels confident about what’s safe and what isn’t so it often errs on the side of caution. Why does it do this? Because – and this is important – your brain doesn’t want you to die! So it scares the hell out of you and triggers a fear response for lots of things that aren’t actually dangerous. It compels you to do things and think things and feel things in the service of saving your life.

Sometimes, your brain goes the other direction and doesn’t ring the alarm bells when something is actually dangerous – let’s come back to that another day. But you should be aware that it’s an option too. What can I say? The mind is a complex and downright funky place.

If your brain is trying to keep you and your loved-ones safe, it makes sense for you to:

• Jump at loud or unexpected noises because you’re always prepared to fight, flee, or freeze
• Go over details of your traumatic experience over and over and over again to see if you can pick up any new clues as to how to avoid future injury
• Be uncomfortable when you can’t see all around you, like wanting to sit with your back to the wall, facing the door or the opening of a room
• Adopt stringent safety behaviors like always having a weapon at hand or repeatedly confirming that doors and windows are locked
• Want to know where your family members are at all times
• Want to be in control every minute of every day
• Be unwilling to venture outside your comfort zone, wherever that may be – your home, your neighborhood, the same office you’ve worked in for ten years, etc.
• Be so overcome with fear and/or preoccupied with your immediate safety that you have trouble focusing and concentrating, or remembering things
• Decide that you can’t trust others
• This list is endless. Like really, truly endless.

If you have experienced something traumatic and have noticed lasting or escalating disruptions in the way you think, feel, or behave, you may have PTSD. Find the best possible mental health professional for the job – this doesn’t have to be the person with the highest academic qualifications or with the largest number of publishing credits, although it might be. This means someone you feel comfortable with, someone who grasps the best ways to help you, someone who will encourage you to stay on track and motivated to recover. And then get to work. Push yourself, but at a pace that is healthy for you.

Recovering from a traumatic mental injury is not easy, but it is so worth the effort. PTSD doesn’t have to be a life sentence. Just take one step at a time, my friends. One step at a time. We’ll get there eventually.

Today’s photos are all from one night in January. On the way home from our Italian adventure, we had a very long layover in London – I know, poor us. During a prior visit we hit all of the big must-dos, so we opted for something we missed the first time around – a Jack the Ripper walking tour of the Whitechapel neighborhood. Can you say street art?!? We had a blast and ended our evening at a pub with fish and chips, a meat pie, and some sticky toffee pudding. Yum! Also, no rain. How lucky are we?

We love London!