Blame, shame, and silence

I am not going to sugarcoat this, today’s been rough.

I’ve been humming along, cheerful and almost-whole for a while now. So this morning I didn’t recognize what was happening at first. Then it hit me, I was triggering and it was because Christine Blasey Ford was testifying in front of the whole dang country.

I know I wasn’t the only one.

People who are sexually assaulted have a variety of valid reasons not to tell. And they have even more reasons not to go to the authorities. I don’t care if they were assaulted today or 25,000 days ago, when they are ready to speak, we should listen.

We do not need to make a unilateral decision to automatically believe everyone who accuses someone of sexual assault. Not all accusations are true. But the numbers are clear – people who report that they have been sexually assaulted are almost always telling the truth. We should respect these folks enough to listen and act on what they say, but we should not immediately condemn the accused. That is not how our justice system works, nor should it be. We must investigate. And we must do so in a thorough and respectful manner, even when it is not politically expedient.

We must not blame the victim. We must not shame the victim. We must not silence the victim.

If you are a sexual assault survivor, I want you to know that:

• It doesn’t matter if you’ve told hundreds of people or no one at all
• It doesn’t matter what you were wearing
• It doesn’t matter if you were drunk or high
• It doesn’t matter where you were
• It doesn’t matter if the perpetrator was a stranger or a friend or even your husband
• I believe you.

It is not your fault. It is not your shame. You should not be silenced.

I don’t have the energy to write a full post today, but I wanted you all to know that I’m here and I’m feeling it too. Here’s hoping that tomorrow is a better day.

Every survivor gets to tell their own story in their own time. No one should ever feel like they have to tell, but everyone should feel like they can tell without suffering any further harm.

Please see my first post on the topic of sexual abuse – I will not be silent.

Today’s photos each host a surprise heart that represents my love and support for survivors of sexual assault/abuse.