My post-apocalyptic quest towards the light
Like most cars, mine comes fully equipped with an assortment of mirrors that play a role in keeping me safe. Shhh, don’t tell the other two, but I have a favorite. The right mirror, with its handy warning—Objects in the mirror are closer than they appear—reminds me that something unexpected might pop into view, and... Continue Reading →
Change is coming. I feel it in the air. I feel it in my bones. There’s something magical about those first signs that spring is about to wrestle the baton from winter’s grasp, leading us all on a merry romp away from a grayscale existence and back into the warm exuberance of a technicolor world.... Continue Reading →
After waiting 23 long years to see a snowflake fall from the sky, warm winters are not my thing. My lifetime snow quota has yet to be met. I greet snow days with glee. So you can imagine my disappointment that temps have stayed well above freezing this winter. We’ve had rain—lots and lots of... Continue Reading →
Those of you who know me personally might think that today’s title is a reference to my recent birthday. It isn’t. Although I do find it amusing that the word “gold” ends with the world “old”… Today, let’s start with pre-crime me. The me who sported some dents and dings but had not yet shattered.... Continue Reading →
This is not a post I wanted to write. It’s not that the topic is unworthy. It’s one of the most important topics I can imagine. But I knew it was going to hurt like hell to get the words out of my head. So I procrastinated. And I avoided. This is hard. But I... Continue Reading →
I just had the best dream I've ever had. I was flying. I know it’s not unusual—people have flight dreams all the time. But not me. Instead, I have crazy-ass dreams that unfold like blockbuster Hollywood movies complete with large casts, scene changes, and full-on plots. I’m talking dreams that require a costume department and... Continue Reading →
The two days I loathe the most are coming and I can’t do anything to stop them. Ten days ago, braced for impact, I forced myself to stare at a fresh calendar page. I was pushing back against one of my triggers. Since that horrible day in 2016, seeing the word “May” kicks off a... Continue Reading →
I’ve started calling my pets my co-workers and my son my new personal assistant. I’m sure I’m not the only one. In my attempt to keep Mr. C on track and off the computer as much as possible, I’m assigning him all sorts of bizarre tasks while I work at our dining room table. I’m... Continue Reading →
It’s International Women’s Day! There are so many amazing women to celebrate today - I decided to focus on the core team of women who first had my back. This is my mom at her baby shower. Technically, I’m in there too, hiding out just behind the flowers. She's flanked by her mom (l) and... Continue Reading →
I believe you. There are so many of you. One would be too many, but there are millions - even billions. It is not your fault. It is not your shame. And you do not have to remain silent.
Rediscovering who you are may be solitary, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't ask for help when you feel overwhelmed. Recovering from PTSD/C-PTSD is a backbreaking slog through every level of hell. Find your support team and allow them to have your back as needed. Asking for help doesn't mean you're weak, it means you... Continue Reading →
I have always been a writer. Whether or not I’m any good is up to you, but for a long time, the possible judgment of others hobbled my abilities. An acute fear of humiliation and criticism kept me from pursuing my passion in any sort of public way. Obviously, that ship has freaking sailed. Funny,... Continue Reading →
Living with PTSD is a struggle and recovery requires a substantial amount of energy that, due to your symptoms, you may not have on tap to expend. At times, you’re stuck in place, consumed by symptoms flaring up so hot and high that your inner light is nothing more than an insignificant spark consumed by... Continue Reading →
A few days ago, a woman in a social media PTSD group I'm in posted about a close friend who was suicidal - their story was one of those things that really reaches into your soul and grabs you. Long story short - her husband died in a freak recreational accident and the suicidal guy... Continue Reading →
One foot in front of the other - no matter how long the road. I know it's brutal. I also know that you can do this.
You aren't really alone - there are a lot of us who feel the exact same thing. Hugs to those of you who need one - a kind smile to those of you who don't want to be touched.
One day when I was young, I was sprawled on our living room sofa so absorbed in a book that I didn’t notice my mom and a neighbor join me in the room. When I tuned back into my surroundings, there they were, sitting nearby and chatting away. Let me tell you, people, my reality... Continue Reading →
Perhaps some of you need a refresher... It is not your fault.It is not your shame.You do not have to be silent. (But it is always up to you. Do what feels right.) Check out my original I will not be silent post. For more information about the impact of PTSD and trauma on survivors... Continue Reading →
When Mr. C was 18-months old, we picked out a puppy. Before the big day, I made arrangements with the woman on the phone, telling her that I wanted one of the females – I wasn’t interested in the male. A few hours later, we sat in the grass as puppies frolicked about. They were... Continue Reading →
Triggers are curious. Picture this – I’m cleaning my garage and pick up a box. There’s a piece of paper on the floor where the box used to be. I look at it. It’s one of those forms a moving company makes you sign when they deliver your stuff. It’s from November 3, 2016 –... Continue Reading →
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